Is there a support group for this?

I really wish I could pinpoint what exactly makes me want to buy books.  I do it when I’m sad… a little when I’m angry… when I want to get out of the house… when I’m excited about something… when I’m planning something exciting… when I’m lonely… when I’m bored…

In short:  I buy books All.  The.  Time.

Case in point:

These have been my most recent acquisitions.  In my defense, I have finally found another individual with the same taste in literature so I’m excited to dive into some new books I hadn’t heard of before (Warbreaker, The Book Thief, and The Magicians).  Gone with the Wind is a chunky read for one of my book clubs online.  My Mile in Her Boots is missing in action and I FINALLY found another copy of it… and Lonesome Dove is an American classic that I promised myself I simply had to read.  And… well… “Best American Nonrequired Reading 2010” is edited by Dave Eggers and David Sedaris.  How can it possibly not be good?

My problem lies in the fact that I have slowed to the point of a crawl on my reading lately.  Apartment flood, move, job troubles, even bigger move, finding work troubles, and a sincere lack of comfy reading places in my current abode have all stepped in.  Or, rather, I have let them step in.  As my friend Jeff has always said (in not so many words) “make time.”

This weekend I worked on “making time.”  I made time to watch the first two disks of “How I Met Your Mother,” a five mile hike an hour from home, a few Borders stops, some spaghetti eating, some Sonic stopping, and to try to take a chunk out of my current read:  Edith Hamilton’s Mythology.

With NaNoWriMo bearing down on us oh so soon… and my total book count totaling less in the past three months than it has ever been in a single month earlier this year… I have to wonder if maybe I set my goal too low and now I’m just complacent.  “I met my goal, I can stop.”

Whatever the case is, my book buying is not up to speed with my reading.  At the rate I’m reading right now, I should only buy one book every… well… year.  In the time it would take me to read everything in my to-read pile… I’m going to be a busy person for the… oh…. rest of my natural LIFE.

So I ask, dear friends.  Is there a support group out there for book-buying-addicts like me?  Or am I the only person in the world comforted by the thought that there is a beautiful pile of books by my bed that will always be excited to see me?

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Lessons Learned

This week has been full of lessons.  I don’t exactly think “lesson” is a good word for it but it seems the most fitting.  Perhaps maybe “realizations” or “revelations.”

I’ve spent the past few days blocking, deleting, and purging my computer and belongings of my (now) ex-boyfriend.  I have a modest pile of things that I don’t want to see any more that I’ll shove into a box and ship to Belgium to wait for his arrival back to his apartment.  In a way, the situation that precipitated from months of trials and tribulations between the two of us is a blessing.  It has been a long time since I’ve yearned for a clean break.  It has been a long time since someone has hurt me like this… and the hurt is what I needed to reevaluate what I want out of a relationship and prepare myself to move on to something that I truly deserve.

Between the apartment flood, the mind-numbing job, and the urge to move north to greener pastures, I’ve been less than attentive.  I was working so hard to get myself to where I thought I needed to be, I let our contact dwindle to what he initiated.  Partially because of my busy schedule, partially because of his ever-changing schedule.  In short, I was tired of being the only person working at the relationship.  I had other fish to fry.

Which basically reduces our conversations to a rare Yahoo Messenger chat and a phone call once or twice a week.

And then, after I moved, nothing.

We shot texts back and forth but being in a military training school, he was always busy and always with company.

Little did I know the company was a girl and he was cheating.

His defense:  In his mind we had broken up months ago.

Still doesn’t mean you can’t call and say “Hey!  Met a girl.  I’m out.”

I guess cheating is a step above the last guy who was still very married (unlike Albert who was married and on the way to divorced), hiding me (which Albert still did), and would ultimately drop me like a phone call on an iPhone 4 (which… Albert did).  Wow.  It appears I’ve found a “type.”

I am moving in the right direction.  I’m angry I let myself into that situation, I’m angry that I’m letting myself be angry, and I’m ready to move on.  Now I know what I want and what I deserve and I am in the perfect place to find it.

What makes me laugh even harder is the “Litmus test” on The Guild.  After the debacle with the stuntman, she makes a list of things the guy has to have.  (And when Zaboo fits into her little list, she makes it a bit longer.)

Now I know I want someone intelligent… someone I can have intelligent conversations with and actually engage in discussions.  (Hey!  I’m a smart girl… I need brain food.)  Thoughtfulness is a big one.  I don’t want to have to be the only one to carry the relationship forward.  Most of all, someone who sticks by their word.  If they say they are going to call, I can depend on it.  If they say they’ll mail something, they mail it.  If they say they want to go out Friday, it happens.

My last one I don’t even know how to word.  Someone who works on themselves.  If they know nothing about something, they look it up.  If they are bad with something, they work to get better.  Actively works to get better.  If they say they want to eat better, they take the steps to do it.  In a way, someone who isn’t all talk.  🙂

So for now, I’m going to go to trivia, go to handbells, and remain open until my Colorado Prince Charming comes to find me.  Or Ben Nichols.

 

That would be a pretty tough choice. 🙂

Get Ready….

Today was just an amazing day.  And I’ve come home and I’m ready to get my blog in order, organize myself for the upcoming (very busy) week, and just generally gear up for what lies ahead.

The last schedule worked out quite well (while it lasted).  I’ve revamped a few things, made some stuff a little more open-ended.  Mostly, the music review thing was annoying me.  I’m not a music reviewer.  I don’t pretend to be, I’m comfortable with the fact that I’m not good.  So I gave myself some wiggle room.  I’m curious to see where it is going.

I also had to give myself some writing room.  10thDotM is in some serious need of my incredible writing abilities and I really want to start taking a bigger part in Creative Infantcide.  (Since, you know, I haven’t done crap for them yet.)  Plus, I’m getting pretty durn good at knitting.  I’m making a bright pink scarf that will not only offend the eyeballs with its brightness but also cover a very large family of four.  It has been affectionately called my “pink comforter” and my “pink blanket.”  Plus, today I picked up the necessary tools to make my fingerless gloves.  WOO!

And, of course, the recipes.  I had fun with them but I am on a very tight food budget and even tighter space restrictions here with my roommate.  (She doesn’t get to leave the house very often, so she stocks up on food.  I have one tiny cupboard for all of my food and even less room in the freezer and fridge.)  I gave myself the room to just talk food and restaurants and bargain shopping.  (Hel-LLOOOO SAFEWAY!)

Anyway.  Jeff is getting on me about my 10thDotM entry.  Better get writing.

After midnight thoughts

It’s after midnight here in Colorful Colorado.  I ventured out with the 20-somethings to George’s again for another round of trivia.  My beloved team came in last, although I believe if there was a “Team Congeniality,” we would have won that without contest.  Perhaps that should be our team name next week….  I always feel like I need to study for trivia.  I leave feeling like I know absolutely nothing.  Similar to the feeling I get when playing Trivial Pursuit… “You mean you actually paid ATTENTION in the 90’s?  I didn’t know there would be a test!”

My first “day” of work is Friday at Best Buy here in town. It is only training.  Well, training before I do more training.

I should be happy I have a job.  I did move up here with less in-pocket cash than I should have.  I should have stuck with the job that was slowly draining the life out of me for just a little while longer until I had more saved up.  Then again, if not now… then when?  If I waited for more money, then it would have been waiting until the weather improves, or waiting for that mythical perfect job, or waiting for my lotto numbers to come up.  While I’m waiting on all of that, I might as well wait for the absolute perfect time when all the stars align and someone practically grabs all of my belongings and flings them from Texas to Colorado.  So… yeah.  I work at Best Buy part-time right now until my teaching license is approved by the Colorado Department of Education.  Then it will be on like Donkey Kong.  I still fear that perhaps this move was a little more expensive than I could bounce back from.  I feel like I’ve lost/am losing some pretty important attachments.  At the same time, I can’t help but feel that I’m finally where I’m supposed to be.  I just can’t shake the feeling that this is right.

In all honesty, the only thing that really sucks right now is that I don’t have a desk.  I finally have a bed.  An AMAZING bed.  A bed that my dog is completely taking advantage of right now.  My computer, however, is still perched on the floor.  WoW will not be on my list of things to do for a while.  I guess that is a good thing.  Although I did finally find some people to play Team Fortress 2.

I’m struggling with privacy right now.  I googled my name and my most-used nicknames.  Sadly, almost the entire first page is all completely my memberships on various sites.  Etsy, Last.fm, NaNoWriMo…. Do I really want to be that open?  Do I want to be that easy to track?

Wait… listen… do you hear that?

Its crickets.  Outside my window.  Cool breeze blowing through…. and I can almost smell the mountains.

So beautiful.  I can’t believe I spent thousands of dollars on “outdoors” themed candles for years when I could have just saved my pennies and moved somewhere that I could actually open the windows without either (1) dying of heat exhaustion or (2) dying of smog/chicken farm/pig farm/golf course pesticide inhalation.

And it doesn’t matter anymore.  Yes, last year I tried to write a chick-lit novel and it was actually pretty good.  I was almost 20k words into it when life hit me and I gave it up.  I love Etsy… it is my crack.  I will open my shop soon.  I’m knitting like crazy getting ready.  And it just doesn’t matter.  I’m easy to find.

And now I’m off to bed.  Mostly because my back is killing me from sitting here.  *lol*

I’m going to update/upgrade my blog schedule and get back on a SCHEDULE soon.  WOO!

OMG! Where have you BEEN?

Okay, so… I’m moved.  I’m living in a girl’s house outside of Longmont with my clothing, desktop, and camping equipment.  Literally, nothing else.  During a Wal-Mart run I gained food and a few plates and some pots.  So I can eat, sleep somewhat soundly, and have access to the internet.  My basic needs have been met.

Don’t get me wrong, I miss my bed.  My miss ANY bed.  But after a while, it just doesn’t seem to matter.  I just make sure I’m tired when I lay down and sitting on the floor staring down at my monitor seriously cut back my WoW/Internet time.  I have cable again (through her) and my Netflix streams somewhat well on her (extremely slow) internet.  Maybe this is a strange way to get back to basics and get refocused.

The job hunt has been going well.  I have had a few interviews.  I was offered at PT job at the local Best Buy doing computer work.  (I always knew I was meant for Geek Squad, in one way or another.)  The job is a welcomed advancement.  Where the PT work might not pay even half of my bills, it does mean that money is on its way in.  Plus, the discounts are nothing to sneeze at.  If you have seen the gaming release schedule for the next few months, you’ll understand why I’m excited (Halo Reach, Dead Rising 2, Cataclysm….)

So the search continues for that elusive “perfect job.”  Right now I need to go shower and down a bottle of water for my drug test.  Oh yeah, and find some dorky black pants and a white shirt to rock out my first day of work in.

Yeah, that’s right.  My uniform comes with a cardigan. *lol*

Walt Whitman: Oh Captain, My Captain

 

O Captain! My Captain!  
by Walt Whitman
O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done, The ship has weather'd every rack,
      the prize we sought is won, The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
      While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring; But O heart! heart! heart!
      O the bleeding drops of red, Where on the deck my Captain lies, Fallen cold and dead.
      O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells; Rise up- for you the flag is flung- for
      you the bugle trills, 

         For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths- for you the shores
             a-crowding,
          For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
             Here Captain! dear father!
               This arm beneath your head!
                 It is some dream that on the deck,
                   You've fallen cold and dead.

          My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,
          My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,
          The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,
          From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
               Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
                 But I with mournful tread,
                   Walk the deck my Captain lies,
                     Fallen cold and dead.

 

Nothing says “Back to School” quite like a class of inspired students. 🙂