The past few mornings have been an odd mix of dream and reality.  Sunday morning I tried to wake up and go out for breakfast and a craft run.  The mind plays cruel, cruel tricks:  I planned on Chick-fil-A and Hobby Lobby, neither of which open their doors on Sunday.  Yesterday morning I woke to something that sounded like a mixture of a coyote and a hyena making is presence known in the area.  My dog decided that it needed to be an interspecies duet and howled along.  Last time I checked, coyotes didn’t live in cities and hyenas didn’t live on this continent. 

This morning followed suit perfectly.  I woke up before the alarm, showered, and picked out clothes.  And just to show you how awake I really was:  I had already walked the dog and started eating breakfast.  I found myself searching my thumb drive to make sure my lesson plans for the day were in order. 

A year ago I moved to Texas with the pretty solid plan to work whatever job I could find until I could get into teaching.  I knew finding a position mid-year would be difficult, so I remained diligent in my search and applied when I found openings.  When things didn’t work out to start the new school year as a teacher, I changed gears.  I would work on education until I found my opening.

That plan almost worked out.  I went through one semester paying exorbitant fees with the comfort of knowing I had a lease that proved I moved here in December of 2008.  Unfortunately, for my school’s records, this falls short of the necessary amount of paperwork.  I dropped out of school due to the fact that I simply can’t fathom paying over $3000 for two more classes.  Not just that, but for sub-par instruction and lackluster academia.

Now an entire year has gone by.  I’ve gone home and met with old friends from the school I worked for, ran into a few students, enjoyed the open roads that only come with living in the Sandhills, and found my purpose again.  I may have no idea where I belong in this world, but I know what I should be doing.

I turned in all of my paperwork to be reviewed for Texas credentials.  I thought perhaps that was the issue… schools refusing to look at me because I’m not credentialed in the state.  I received my paperwork back with stellar remarks and was told which tests I should take.  The lady warned:  “Don’t worry about taking the test until you have secured employment.  Much of the test has to do with classroom and would be easier once you have spent some time in a Texas classroom.”  Okay.  I can do that.

Armed with my “OK” from the SBEC, I started applying more aggressively to schools all over the state.  I’ve called a few places and inquired about potential openings.  I applied for the second time to the local high school.

Local high school sent me an email… blah blah blah “many qualified applicants” blah blah blah… “Encourage you to keep trying” blah blah blah.

In the month since I have received my stamp of approval from SBEC, I have applied and not received so much as an inquiry email from as many as seven schools.  Which leads me to my next question:  At what point in time does it shift from “Keep trying, if you are meant to do it… it will happen” to “Maybe that’s just not what you’re meant to do”?

My days sitting in this chair are numbered.  They may not be from my employer’s point of view, but they are extremely limited in my point of view.  I don’t view what I do here as important.  My passion is not here, my drive cannot adhere to the tasks, and I sincerely lack the interest.  It translates into the fact that I can feel my life being siphoned away second by second as I sit here. 

Part of it lies in the fact that I have no social skills.  Small talk is not my forte.  Even when dealing with people in positions like this one, I have no patience for small talk and “recruiting techniques.”  I came up here with a question.  I’m going to ask it, you’re going to answer it, and then I’m going to walk away.  Don’t ask me how I’m doing when you don’t really give a rat’s ass about the answer anyway.  Unfortunately, most people aren’t like that.  If you don’t ask them how they are, stand up, and shake their hand… they get offended. 

So, yes.  Wrong line of work.  Unfortunately, it appears to be the only work that will pay me right now.

I keep hoping that I’m wrong… and that one of the school systems that I forgot about will call me for an interview.  Hoping, it appears, is the only thing available for me to do in this state right now.

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2 responses to “

  1. I agree with you. There comes a time when you have to change lanes so to speak and merge onto another life path. Gotta get out of the “backed up lane going nowhere”….. ok yeah. I’ll quit with that metaphor now!

  2. Are you thinking about moving back to NC? Or have you still thought of maybe moving back to AZ?
    I hope things improve. It’s odd you haven’t gotten any real responses from 7 schools.

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