Cause I need more time…Just a few more months and we’ll be fine…

Do you ever hear your alarm in the morning and you know beyond any shadow of a doubt that the day is going to suck?

When you work a job that is obtuse at best for a boss who fails to show-up or even call-in most days in a department with a general consensus is that you are the most hated human being on the face of the earth and deserve the loathing sneers and gossip that comes with such a territory… most every morning you experience the sincere dread within moments of your alarm’s urging wake-up call.  I was spared from all of it today, but my alarm still went off early and that impending dread of an emotionally exhausting day crept in.

I purposefully made today an extremely busy day.  I knew if left to my own devices I would probably have a pool party in my little puddle of self-pity and grief.  I silently made plans and even scheduled an interview.  In the end of it all, my attempts to save myself from my sea horse floatie in dark waters was quite futile.  As was mentioned elsewhere on the interwebs, sometimes a tiny glimpse of happiness costs a lot.

He went home today.  I knew it would happen eventually, but I hoped it wouldn’t.  It some ways I find myself to be childish like this.  As I felt myself letting go more and opening the doors for him, the more I convinced myself that he wouldn’t be leaving.  How could he leave?  Nah… he can’t leave.

The plane boarded at noon and is probably carrying him somewhere over the Atlantic right now.

My interview with a local branch of a nationally known degree factory was yet another disappointment I set myself up for.  I did a phone interview and was confident I’d get the email Friday.  I checked my email obsessively until close to 10 o’clock that night.  Then started again yesterday, checking every 10-15 minutes to see if perhaps I had the dates mixed up.  Maybe he meant he’d email Monday to schedule face-to-face interviews NEXT Monday.  It certainly seemed like that would make sense.  And because we had done a phone interview, I was sure I would hear either way.

Before I even arrive at the hiring agency for my “first” interview (the interview that was supposed to be done BEFORE my phone interview with the man) that was scheduled for 1 PM today (keep in mind, I’m attempting to keep myself running and busy all day today)… I had received three emails rejecting me on jobs that I am qualified and highly capable of doing.  I didn’t even make the first round of cuts for any one of them.  So my potential job pool is shrinking quickly and pretty much consists of (1)Degree-Factory job that I’m driving to the interview for, (2) a few low-paying secretary jobs that I had hoped to use as backup, (3)an academic advisor position I’m qualified for but not very interested in, and (4) an online course development job I’m sure I’m not qualified for but emphasized my web training and my teaching experience in hopes of a wild hare.

Sure that the fact that I haven’t heard from Degree-Factory guy yet is simply a fluke, I walk into the hiring agency confident and happy.  It lasted a whole ten minutes before I found out, he not only proceeded with the interviewing process without letting me know I hadn’t been selected; he has hired someone to start Monday!  They attempted to soften the blow by telling me there is another position they would love to consider me for… do I have any experience in sales?

A saleman, I am not.

So I went shopping.  Half-Price Books was a few streets away and calling me to buy more books I don’t have time to read in one lifetime.  I picked up a few that I had been looking for (Atonement, The Road, Practical Demonkeeping, Blind Assassin…. They didn’t have ANY copies of Lolita.  Figures) and continued on my way home to do laundry and try to tame the disaster that is my apartment that has been a true dumping ground for two weeks.  Well, stopped for a Route 44 size Cherry Limeade at Sonic, first.  If you can drive by a Sonic between 2 and 4 PM and not take advantage of their happy hour, I commend you.

I’m messing around with my new movies that I picked up with the mail this afternoon (“Superbad” and “Pineapple Express”) and trying to maintain the constant flow of things to do.

Hell, its better than crying over spilled milk.


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