Unless, of course, you were told earlier in the semester that you don’t have a job next year.  In that case, it is a frantic search for fall employment.  I believe I have something lined up.  Finally.  We’ll see.

I made myself a deal.  Most of the time, when we return from a break, I feel that I had wasted away my lovely break doing stupid crap.  My papers were graded on Monday and Tuesday.  The grades were entered early this morning.  Then Lucky and I started working on my “goal list” for this week.

We hiked out in Boulder (Take Lucky on two hikes, Take pictures in at least 3 locations)
I’ve made plans with Lynda to possibly snowboard (Go snowboarding if weather permits)
Made my library “shopping list” (Find a new author to love)
Played “Words with Friends” six inches away from my opponent (Make a new friend)

And since the wind is howling outside my door, tonight will be a mix of video games, books, and writing.  (Finish a book, Finish a game, and Two chapters of the novel)

Yay Spring Break.  Just what I needed to recharge.

As it has always been since the beginning, my life tends to pick one particular day and simply dump it’s entire bedpan on my head. I’ve kind of been waiting for it and hoping those days have passed by. I think with a more “karmic” thought base now. I try to do what I’m supposed to and say what I think and feel… live honestly.

My family in Texas is going through an extremely hard time. My “aunt,” for lack of a better way to describe her connection to me, hasn’t been given much longer to live. She has degenerated from a bright, vibrant grandmother who doesn’t stop chasing and loving her small grandson to having to be carried to the chair and bathroom. The cancer that they thought they could easily have beaten with chemotherapy and a strong will to survive has indeed won this battle. She hasn’t been strong enough for chemo since before Thanksgiving and it hasn’t left much of her for the family to say good-bye to.

Luckily, this news comes after I had already planned a Texas trip for this weekend. Instead of spending Saturday roaming and loving the Texas life, I’ll be facing one of my worst fears.

My school let me know (today, of all days) that I’m not guaranteed a job for next year, contrary to what they have been telling me since November. They wanted me to know “in time to search for new positions.” So, of course, I had to write groveling emails to the school districts I turned down begging to be looked at a second time in case of openings. The security I had felt a month or two ago, planning my second year at East and hoping for new training and positions has gone up in a lovely puff of smoke.

And, of course, I’m sitting at a Borders, alone, on Valentine’s Day. Some lessons are harder to learn than others. I promised myself to keep one main thing in mind this year and it just seems to be harder to remember today: If he wants to, he will. If he wanted to call, he would have. If he wanted to see you, he would have. Nothing in the world can stop someone from doing something they want to do. My guy is still out there somewhere cussing me out. Trust me, he’s getting a good working over in my mind too. Then again, maybe he’s out getting his heart broken tonight.

And I know, Jeff. I’m whining.

The 365 is going well. I have successfully taken a picture every day. As far as pushing my boundaries, taking my camera with me when I go out, and all of the other picture-related things I had planned on doing… yeah. Those haven’t been so successful.

My reading goals have come to a complete stop. I’m teaching “The Crucible” right now as well as A Lesson Before Dying. My honors class is going to start Their Eyes Were Watching God before the end of the month. Then they are on to Plainsong. I haven’t read any of these in years. I did squeeze in a Bogosian play and I’m hoping to use my flight/drive/whatever to Texas to listen or read a few books. I just need to figure out what those are going to be.

Tonight, before I go to bed, I have to have some things on my beloved list done. Unfortunately, that means I’m going to run off and leave you for a little while. I think you can survive.

Today is a whirlwind to get ready to go to Louisiana for the holiday.  This whirlwind finds me sitting indian-style in front of my computer downloading music and writing you.  I’m still in my pajamas nursing a cup of tea, which has gone from boiling hot to iced since I can’t figure out how to make this house any warmer than 50 degrees.  I would leave today if I could get myself motivated to finish the laundry and packing.  Perhaps if I could get myself away from the internet, distractions, and Xbox 360, I could get some essays graded and books read. There’s no better “distraction free” area than a hotel room in a city where you don’t know anyone.  Then again, I’m in a city where I don’t know anyone and I’m still distracted.

Crap. I just realized “Santa” forgot Lucky.  He’s contentedly chewing on last year’s present.  Guess we’re going to PetSmart at some point today.  Santa might just have to get him a seat belt.  We’ve been spending way too much time on the road and have been extremely lucky (no pun intended) to avoid stupidity.

I need to go running today too.  Its not even 40 degrees outside and cold enough to make my fingers hurt…but I know it is something I have to do.  Maybe a little physical exertion will knock the nasties out of my brain.  Leave it to me to get back in my exercise routine when snow is on the radar.  I wonder if there are any such things as indoor tracks here in Longmont.

The end of the semester went relatively smoothly.  I had been worried about my number of failing students but their grades are in line with the previous six weeks grades.  I’ve been able to save a few from the depths of failure.  I need to understand that I can’t save them all.  They have to be willing to save themselves before I can intervene.  Add in the fact that DPS has a ridiculous amount of standardized testing… in January alone they have two tests… classroom time gets a little tight.

If time does not allow me to update again, I want to wish you all Happy Holidays… whatever you may celebrate.

I’ve worked as a high school English teacher for two weeks up in Denver. I love my school, I love my students. I’m happy as a lark in my career for the first time in years. I’m moving out of a bad living situation into a place of my own. Well, I’ll pay a landlord to call it my own. The school takes me farther out of the mountains than I’d like but schools like this are hard to come by…so I don’t really mind.

There is a boy. I’m more cautious than I have ever been. Then again, my baggage is just a few pounds heavier and my trust several inches thinner. It may be too soon and it may be just what I need. He is intelligent. He works hard. There are also other things with which I’m uncomfortable. Time will tell.

They called for snow in Colorado while I was supposed to be gone. Now it has been changed to Monday, my first day home. Almost like God doesn’t want me to miss a snowflake. For that I am thankful. I also must invest in a coat.

Right now I don’t remember how to fall asleep. It happens new and more lately. My body needs something but refuses to speak. Perhaps a few hours of work will cure it.

In short:  I buy books All.  The.  Time.

Case in point:

These have been my most recent acquisitions.  In my defense, I have finally found another individual with the same taste in literature so I’m excited to dive into some new books I hadn’t heard of before (Warbreaker, The Book Thief, and The Magicians).  Gone with the Wind is a chunky read for one of my book clubs online.  My Mile in Her Boots is missing in action and I FINALLY found another copy of it… and Lonesome Dove is an American classic that I promised myself I simply had to read.  And… well… “Best American Nonrequired Reading 2010″ is edited by Dave Eggers and David Sedaris.  How can it possibly not be good?

My problem lies in the fact that I have slowed to the point of a crawl on my reading lately.  Apartment flood, move, job troubles, even bigger move, finding work troubles, and a sincere lack of comfy reading places in my current abode have all stepped in.  Or, rather, I have let them step in.  As my friend Jeff has always said (in not so many words) “make time.”

This weekend I worked on “making time.”  I made time to watch the first two disks of “How I Met Your Mother,” a five mile hike an hour from home, a few Borders stops, some spaghetti eating, some Sonic stopping, and to try to take a chunk out of my current read:  Edith Hamilton’s Mythology.

With NaNoWriMo bearing down on us oh so soon… and my total book count totaling less in the past three months than it has ever been in a single month earlier this year… I have to wonder if maybe I set my goal too low and now I’m just complacent.  “I met my goal, I can stop.”

Whatever the case is, my book buying is not up to speed with my reading.  At the rate I’m reading right now, I should only buy one book every… well… year.  In the time it would take me to read everything in my to-read pile… I’m going to be a busy person for the… oh…. rest of my natural LIFE.

So I ask, dear friends.  Is there a support group out there for book-buying-addicts like me?  Or am I the only person in the world comforted by the thought that there is a beautiful pile of books by my bed that will always be excited to see me?

I’ve spent the past few days blocking, deleting, and purging my computer and belongings of my (now) ex-boyfriend.  I have a modest pile of things that I don’t want to see any more that I’ll shove into a box and ship to Belgium to wait for his arrival back to his apartment.  In a way, the situation that precipitated from months of trials and tribulations between the two of us is a blessing.  It has been a long time since I’ve yearned for a clean break.  It has been a long time since someone has hurt me like this… and the hurt is what I needed to reevaluate what I want out of a relationship and prepare myself to move on to something that I truly deserve.

Between the apartment flood, the mind-numbing job, and the urge to move north to greener pastures, I’ve been less than attentive.  I was working so hard to get myself to where I thought I needed to be, I let our contact dwindle to what he initiated.  Partially because of my busy schedule, partially because of his ever-changing schedule.  In short, I was tired of being the only person working at the relationship.  I had other fish to fry.

Which basically reduces our conversations to a rare Yahoo Messenger chat and a phone call once or twice a week.

And then, after I moved, nothing.

We shot texts back and forth but being in a military training school, he was always busy and always with company.

Little did I know the company was a girl and he was cheating.

His defense:  In his mind we had broken up months ago.

Still doesn’t mean you can’t call and say “Hey!  Met a girl.  I’m out.”

I guess cheating is a step above the last guy who was still very married (unlike Albert who was married and on the way to divorced), hiding me (which Albert still did), and would ultimately drop me like a phone call on an iPhone 4 (which… Albert did).  Wow.  It appears I’ve found a “type.”

I am moving in the right direction.  I’m angry I let myself into that situation, I’m angry that I’m letting myself be angry, and I’m ready to move on.  Now I know what I want and what I deserve and I am in the perfect place to find it.

What makes me laugh even harder is the “Litmus test” on The Guild.  After the debacle with the stuntman, she makes a list of things the guy has to have.  (And when Zaboo fits into her little list, she makes it a bit longer.)

Now I know I want someone intelligent… someone I can have intelligent conversations with and actually engage in discussions.  (Hey!  I’m a smart girl… I need brain food.)  Thoughtfulness is a big one.  I don’t want to have to be the only one to carry the relationship forward.  Most of all, someone who sticks by their word.  If they say they are going to call, I can depend on it.  If they say they’ll mail something, they mail it.  If they say they want to go out Friday, it happens.

My last one I don’t even know how to word.  Someone who works on themselves.  If they know nothing about something, they look it up.  If they are bad with something, they work to get better.  Actively works to get better.  If they say they want to eat better, they take the steps to do it.  In a way, someone who isn’t all talk. 

So for now, I’m going to go to trivia, go to handbells, and remain open until my Colorado Prince Charming comes to find me.  Or Ben Nichols.

That would be a pretty tough choice.

The last schedule worked out quite well (while it lasted).  I’ve revamped a few things, made some stuff a little more open-ended.  Mostly, the music review thing was annoying me.  I’m not a music reviewer.  I don’t pretend to be, I’m comfortable with the fact that I’m not good.  So I gave myself some wiggle room.  I’m curious to see where it is going.

I also had to give myself some writing room.  10thDotM is in some serious need of my incredible writing abilities and I really want to start taking a bigger part in Creative Infantcide.  (Since, you know, I haven’t done crap for them yet.)  Plus, I’m getting pretty durn good at knitting.  I’m making a bright pink scarf that will not only offend the eyeballs with its brightness but also cover a very large family of four.  It has been affectionately called my “pink comforter” and my “pink blanket.”  Plus, today I picked up the necessary tools to make my fingerless gloves.  WOO!

And, of course, the recipes.  I had fun with them but I am on a very tight food budget and even tighter space restrictions here with my roommate.  (She doesn’t get to leave the house very often, so she stocks up on food.  I have one tiny cupboard for all of my food and even less room in the freezer and fridge.)  I gave myself the room to just talk food and restaurants and bargain shopping.  (Hel-LLOOOO SAFEWAY!)

Anyway.  Jeff is getting on me about my 10thDotM entry.  Better get writing.